But remember, no dildo maker is complete without a "nut crusher" to really get that nutless look. Also follow us on Facebook , and participate in the Cracked drinking game. They're going to go and buy a whole bunch of dildo urns in which to store the remains of their victims forever, and Kiiroo Titan Kiiroo Titan looks more like a Bluetooth speaker and less like a jerk-off machine and that might actually be a good thing. If this thing ever gets off the shelves in a big way, the Feds only need to acquire the buyers' list, and they're going to solve roughly percent of all mystery murders in the Western hemisphere. Continue Reading Below Advertisement What does a terrifying mass murderer do after tearing through the latest of his victims? Ha, of course not. Stand in the backyard pantsless and rev his chainsaw at the moon?
Horny men need help — a carnal hero of sorts. Now they came up with the new sex toy for men - the Kiiroo Onyx 2! Here he is on Facebook and Twitter. Also follow us on Facebook , and participate in the Cracked drinking game. Still, let's be honest: Stand in the backyard pantsless and rev his chainsaw at the moon? Here is what we think you should check out: Head to the liquor store for a nice bottle of Chianti? Whenever we post something containing the words "insane," "mind-blowing," or "horrifying" Kiiroo Titan Kiiroo Titan looks more like a Bluetooth speaker and less like a jerk-off machine and that might actually be a good thing. Pauli is a Cracked weekly columnist who barely owns any of this stuff, officer. We have done our best to be as thorough and objective as possible, given the fact that we went balls deep in all of them and eventually discovered our own favorites. If this thing ever gets off the shelves in a big way, the Feds only need to acquire the buyers' list, and they're going to solve roughly percent of all mystery murders in the Western hemisphere. The contents -- which include a dildo, a scent diffuser, and an iPhone dock with flower-shaped speakers, because why the fuck not -- are known to the owner of the key alone Craft a tasteful save for the material, of choice lampshade? Our Top 15 Male Masturbation Toys Listed below are our 15 best male sex toys currently available on the market. Continue Reading Below Advertisement In some strange, darkly humorous kind of way, this is actually a pretty endearing concept. Since the Titan is such an all-inclusive sex toy for both individuals and couples, the chances of it remaining on your nightstand are high and thus, the discretion of the overall design is quite convenient. This device can also be enjoyed with a VR set to create interactive virtual porn using a live video feed from your partner if they have a Kiiroo Onyx or Pearl as well or with downloadable content or webcam pornstars. Ha, of course not. However, my obsession with this bad boy only increased as I explored its many features. In other words, we know a good sex toy when we see it — or feel it, rather. It's a death sentence. For the brave griever without undue necrophiliac leanings, the package offers a tastefully constructed memory box, complete with a gold-plated key. The designer is attempting to offer a little something wink, nudge, etc. This thing has features that will blow your mind, blow your dick, and blow the competition right out of the water.
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